


For a monster does not deserve hapiness

by SomeoneAroundTheWorld



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drug Use, Eating Disorders, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:20:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29163309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeoneAroundTheWorld/pseuds/SomeoneAroundTheWorld
Summary: Uriel died. He's dead, finished with a small hole in his chest.It's not like Lucifer is better than that. From the moment that blade crossed his brother's chest, a piece of him died there as he watched the light slowly disappear from his eyes.That night a piece of Lucifer's soul was extinguished along with that of his brother. That stream where the devil's emotions were guarded behind all the barriers that he built around him, opened. The dam had collapsed and, with that, the current of his own self loathing that, before slowly dripped on the ground, now became a waterfall.In all the thousands of years of the consultant's life, he had never felt so much hate for himself as at that moment, not even when he questioned his father in his youth.There, lit by the stained glass windows of the abandoned church on a quiet night, everything was confirmed. Lucifer was a monster.
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, Ella Lopez & Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	For a monster does not deserve hapiness

**Author's Note:**

> This work is very triggering. So sorry for the ANGST.  
> Please make sure you read the tags.And leave a comment if you like. I need reassurance :)
> 
> *english is not my first language, sorry for any typos

Uriel died. He's dead, finished with a small hole in his chest.

It's not like Lucifer is better than that. From the moment that blade crossed his brother's chest, a piece of him died there as he watched the light slowly disappear from his eyes.

That night a piece of Lucifer's soul was extinguished along with that of his brother. That stream where the devil's emotions were guarded behind all the barriers that he built around him, opened. The dam had collapsed and, with that, the current of his own self loathing that, before slowly dripped on the ground, now became a waterfall.

In all the thousands of years of the consultant's life, he had never felt so much hate for himself as at that moment, not even when he questioned his father in his youth. 

There, lit by the stained glass windows of the abandoned church on a quiet night, everything was confirmed. Lucifer was a monster.

_______

It was difficult to concentrate. Amid all the noise of different conversations in the police station cafeteria, none could put out the voices in Lucifer's head that said “you are a monster”, “how you, scum of the universe, can live your life while your little brother is buried in an unmarked place in a ramdom forest because of you? ”.

"Lucifer? Aren't you going to eat your food? ” Chloe looked at him with concern marked on her face.

"I'm not hungry," he said.

The food had no more flavor. The world was black and white. Nothing else could bring joy to his life, so why try? If your snack had no taste, why eat it? All that the proclaimed root of all evil could feel was the sting of the drink coming down his throat and the little prick of the needle that mysteriously started to pierce his skin easily, allowing Lucifer to eject a dose, even if brief, of liquid happiness in his veins.

_______

The pain of hunger prevented him from thinking, a great thing for Lucifer. The voices dropped when the consultant stopped sleeping and eating. His bed had been cold for weeks along with his empty bar. His veins were full of substances that provided an escape from his sad unfortunate reality.

His elevator was permanently locked so that no one would come and try to get him out of this spiral. He didn't deserve to improve. He did not deserve peace, understanding, let alone friends. His now vulnerable organism sustained him just enough to function in the agony of his pain. Lucifer knew that this was the result of his own choice and he wanted nothing different. He deserves to be punished and what would be better than the devil to do it?

_______

The dark circles in his eyes - which used to squander life - were remarkable from afar. Chloe tried, with tears in her eyes, to try to get Lucifer to accept help. Linda, she hadn't seen him professionally in weeks. Nobody could find him outside the police station, it was like a ghost that haunted the place during the work period and then disappeared.

Ella was the first to notice the wounds on his arms, in a small slip by the consultant when he had tripped over one of the laboratory chairs and had flinched from the forensic scientist's touch on his injured arm. When Chloe and Ella asked what were those small cuts on his wrist and the big purple and yellow marks on his arm, Lucifer was silent.

_______

His clean suits are gone. It was okay because Lucifer didn't deserve to wear expensive and clean clothes. His everyday look was replaced by a simple white T-shirt and jeans in conjunction with a brown sweatshirt to hide his marks from the past few months.

"Lucifer, please seek help" Chloe pleaded. "Don't let me lose you, talk to me ...".

"I'm perfectly fine, Detective, don't worry."

_______

“Monster!”

"Killer!"

"Die!"

"You deserve the same fate as those you hurt". The voices said.

And he finally agreed. His existence was a failure. He was simply a mistake made by his father, he should have been erased shortly after his birth. A monster that spoiled everything it touched, poisoned the lives of everyone and everything. Samael, the poison of God. Everything fitted together like a piece of an old puzzle that had been forgotten in the basement of a house.

_______

All it took was an aggressive and armed suspect. A sniper with resentment and a connection to the police station to find the location of the conflict.

It is very easy to provoke someone who is already on the verge of collapse. He had the perfect opportunity. A shout there, a provocation here and it was all over. A bullet that went through his chest was like an injection of morphine that brought immediate relief.

Lucifer closed his eyes to the commemorative shouts of the Silver City and felt the tears that fell on his face from a blond figure that shook him.

He couldn't have left without ruining another human life because after all, he was still a monster.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment if you can please. I would love some tips and any suggestions you have for me.
> 
> If you want, you can leave a prompt too.
> 
> Thanks  
> SomeoneAroundTheWorld.
> 
> :)


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